


When the Glitter Fades

by Writrix



Category: Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, The Greatest Showman - Fandom
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-04-16 11:48:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14164185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writrix/pseuds/Writrix
Summary: The Barnum Circus is on tour around the country. Their last stop before Christmas is in Colorado Springs. Here, for the first time in their year of marriage, Phillip and Anne Carlyle feel almost normal. However, will a tragic accident shatter their newfound happiness?





	1. Chapter 1: However Big, However Small

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fan fiction ever! I absolutely adore The Greatest Showman and have been writing this piece for the past 3 months and I figure it's about time I start publishing chapters. On a historical note, I understand that the timing of The Greatest Showman and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman may not completely match up, but I haven't found a solid consensus on when The Greatest Showman takes place. So...I figured they're close and had this story swirling around in my head for a while. I hope you enjoy!

The squealing of the train wheels as they pulled into the station never got any easier to bear, but Anne appreciated the meaning behind the sound - they were in a new town and she would soon be flying through the air on her trapeze. Practicing was impossible for her act while in transit no matter where they were or how they travelled, making her restless. 

“Last stop,” the voice was close to her ear, making her smile. Phillip looked out the window over her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her. 

“Last show,” she replied. The western tour had been long and hot. She was tired. 

“Are you alright?” he turned her slightly so as to see her pretty face. A small smile graced her lips. 

“Yes. I’m just tired and ready to take a break from it all,” she replied. “And spend more time with you, of course.”

It wasn’t like they were short on spending time, but she desired more moments that didn’t involve being at the circus. She loved her circus family, but wanted to focus more on her real family and have some time away from the noise, crowds...protestors. 

Phillip smiled. “Me too. Are you ready for our first Christmas together?” 

Turning to put her arms completely around his neck, Anne looked up into his blue eyes. “Absolutely! Most of all I cannot wait to spend time with only you. Just you and me.” 

Phillip broke eye contact and stared past her back out through the train car window as the train continued to slow. Cocking her head, Anne moved back into his line of sight. “What’s wrong?”

“I wired our reservations to the hotel above Colorado Springs. It’s not much, but Colorado is beautiful around Christmas time, I hear.” His voice trailed off. 

Not this again. Ever since Phillip had paid to revive the circus, he had been living on quite little. He had even waited a year to ask for Anne’s hand so he would be slightly more financially stable. She hadn’t wanted to wait, but he still had his pride and didn’t want to place Anne in a position where he couldn’t consistently and adequately provide. He didn’t mind living meagerly on his own, but couldn’t bear placing that burden on her during their first years of marriage. She respected and appreciated his pride and his desire to provide, so she had happily waited. 

But they had been married almost a year now. The circus had been running smoothly for two years. But he still had those insecurities. They had adequate means, but he still got quiet when he felt he wasn’t giving enough. Anne, who was more than happy, couldn’t quite understand why. 

“Phillip, it will be perfect,” he continued to stare out the window. “Look at me,” she said, tilting her head even more until her eyes met his again. “I have everything I could ever want and as long as I’m with you, I don’t care if we’re in the fanciest ballroom or the dirtiest barn. Alright?” 

He was silent for a moment, but finally nodded his head. The silence was interrupted by the sudden jerk of the train as it came to a full halt. Phillip’s steady arms supported her as Anne tipped slightly. On a trapeze, high above the ground, her balance was unparalleled, but for some reason she had still failed to master the jerk of transportation closer to the ground. 

“I’ve got you,” his smile was back, as though it had never left his face, accompanied by the joyful sparkle on his eyes. Anne let the matter slide and turned to look back out the window. The beautiful autumn colors waved back at her in the breeze. Their last stop - Colorado Springs. One last week of shows and then they could have their much-needed time together - alone.


	2. Come Alive

The collective disembark from the train was as chaotic as it always was. Everyone was anxious to move about in the fresh air and get the tents set up. The Oddities bustled about, taking luggage and supplies from the cars in a shuffle to leave the train behind as quickly as possible. Anne cleared the station platform to escape the hectic bustle, clutching her single carpet bag. Inside it was all she owned, besides her circus-related costumes, wigs, makeup, and equipment. Turning around to take in her surroundings, Anne’s breath caught in her throat. Beyond the train station rose a mountain larger than she had ever seen, looming over the town with a both intimidating and awe-inspiring massiveness. 

“I haven’t seen you look that amazed in a long time,” Phillip laughed as he sidled up to her, his own bag in hand. 

“When you work for Barnum, it’s hard to be surprised by many things anymore,” she said softly as he took her bag into his free hand. 

“It really is magnificent,” he said, staring up at the looming form before them. The moment lasted a second longer before the crush of the people caught up to them. Elephants bellowed, giraffes shuffled, and Oddities swarmed about. 

The main thoroughfare of town was the only way to get to the large open field Phillip had procured for the week’s performances. It sat just beyond the church building. The large group of people and animals began the trek through town, now used to the stares that followed them the whole way. 

“I better help W.D. with our equipment,” Anne said, giving Phillip a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you soon!” He smiled as she disappeared behind him into the crowd. He loved her so much and couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. Shaking his head in happiness, he walked with the other circus performers. 

The light feeling in his chest was quickly dented when he looked toward the town and saw the mass of people staring from shop windows, front porches, and stable doors. Of course, this wasn’t new nor unexpected. Men shook their head in disgust and women whispered in little clusters - the same scene every place they went. 

The only respite was found in knowing that most onlookers had a slightly better view of the Oddities after watching the Greatest Show, as the performers liked to call it. The fantastical performances served to soften the harsh glares and whispered snickers. Each just had to get through circus set-up for the gratification that came from showing their skills. Everyone danced, Lettie sang, Anne flew, the crowd cheered. That’s all they had to wait for.


	3. It's Up to You and It's Up to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've realized that my first few chapters are pretty short, but they do get longer as the story goes along. Thanks for reading!

They had arrived in the late afternoon, so the minimum amount of tents - living quarters for the circus performers - and pens for the animals were quickly assembled before the late autumn sun set and a cool breeze blew softly through the camp. 

The cool air chilled Anne suddenly and she turned to see Phillip come through the flap at the front of their rectangular, two-room tent. The morning had come quickly and he had already been out to check that all was well around the camp. The sizzle of bacon and eggs met him as his bride stood over the portable stove humming a song to herself. Smiling, she turned toward him with the coffee pot and mug in her hand. 

“Here you go,” she placed the mug in his hand and poured it to the brim. He landed a kiss on her suddenly and she stifled a laugh. “Don’t make me spill this all over you!” she cried as she pulled away to place the coffee pot back on the stove. “Are you going into town today?” she took out their small, chipped dishes, piled Phillip’s plate full, and placed it before him on the table. It was little more than a old wire spool, but Anne had made it theirs with the same yellow tablecloth at every place they set up their tiny home.

“Yes. I need to find a doctor, hire some hands, and procure a blacksmith for some repairs,” he said, sipping his coffee. She admired his still-pristine manners, the thought causing her to smile as she sat down across from him with her own plate. He always waited for her to take a bite first before digging in. 

“Would you like company?” her question was soft and she looked up at him from under her dark lashes. 

Phillip was slightly surprised. Anne usually liked to stay around the circus grounds. He had often tried to pull her away and bring her with him on his trips into town. He understood somewhat - she was looked down upon, despised even. He didn’t mind being leered at by walking openly with his wife, but he couldn’t stand the comments thrown her way when they did. So he didn’t push her too much to be put into uncomfortable situations. Anne was one of the strongest and most independent people he knew, a fact that made him love her even more, but she was also sensitive - often silently so. And he tried to be acutely aware of how she felt. 

“Of course! I always love your company,” he reached across the table and grasped her hand. Anne nodded. Frowning slightly, Phillip tried to make eye contact with her. “Are you sure you want to go? I don’t want you to feel any pressure…”

“Yes, I want to go,” Anne smiled, looking up. “I...also need some more chalk for W.D. and I. Do you think the general store will have some?” 

Relaxing, Phillip said, “Possibly. It’s certainly worth looking. I’m glad you’re coming with me.”


	4. This is Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we get to meet some more characters! I'm excited to introduce them to you :)

Phillip finished the dishes while Anne dressed. When she emerged through the flap that separated their room from the front room, he was once again taken with her simple beauty. She was wearing her patterned green dress with a solid dark green cape against the autumn chill. Her brown curls were pinned up on her head with various tendrils framing her face. 

“What?” she asked. Realizing he’d been staring, Phillip finished drying his hands and reached for his own jacket. 

“You look breathtaking,” he said. Blushing, she turned away slightly as she pulled on her second glove. Even though they had been married almost a year, Anne still wasn’t sure how to respond to his compliments. He supposed it may come from years of people insulting and slandering her simply for the color of her skin or because she was a woman. The thought pained him and he quickly pushed it from his mind. 

“Really, you always do,” he said as he offered his elbow. Looping her arm through Phillip’s, she offered him her sensitive smile again as they stepped out into the crisp morning air. 

The camp was already buzzing with activity as people moved about, preparing for the show that would begin three nights hence. Phillip and Anne weaved their way about, coming to the edge of the camp, and crossed the bridge by the church. 

The town of Colorado Springs too was bustling with early activity. The pair passed by an open air café on the left before passing a saloon on the right. Some men loitered about the porch while women - employees no doubt - served alcohol and other “favors” to the early risers. Anne seemed to shrink a little under the stares of the men and Phillip was glad he was the one who was on the right-hand side of the street and could be a sort of shield. He patted her hand and kept walking. 

Suddenly, he noted a sign hanging to their left: “Dr. Quinn: Physician”, but there was a closed sign on the door. Making mental note to return when the office was open, he steered Anne to the left toward the blacksmith’s shop at the corner. 

A man was working behind the bellows, sleeves rolled up - revealing dark skin. Anne was intrigued. 

“Can I help you?” the man had turned to them, snapping Anne out of her thoughts. 

“Yes. My name is Phillip Carlyle,” Phillip extended his hand. The man was slightly hesitant before reciprocating the gesture with a firm handshake. “And this is my wife, Anne.” 

If he was surprised, the blacksmith’s eyes only showed it for a moment. “Name’s Robert E,” he replied. 

“It’s a pleasure, sir. I would like to hire your services to fix some rigging and equipment. Would you be available to come to the circus and look at some of the projects today?” 

Phillip and Robert E continued to converse and Anne took a look around. The fire of the blacksmith’s bellows was warm and inviting against the autumn chill. When the conversation began to run longer than she had anticipated, Anne tapped Phillip’s hand gently. 

“I’m going to run to the general store and start getting our supplies together,” she said quietly. 

“Alright,” he replied slowly, with a concerned look on his face. She reassured him with a smile. 

“I’ll be fine,” she kissed his cheek and began trekking across the street and up the steps into the general store. 

The inside smelled of wood, dry goods, and textiles. It was well stocked, and Anne took a quick sweep of the place and noted its neat orderliness. 

“Can I help you, Miss?” the voice came from behind her and Anne was suddenly aware of the other people in the store. Two women were in the back inspecting linens. A greasy-looking man with long blond hair and a slightly shorter man were standing not far from her within the store. A mountain-man looking one was perusing knives to her right and the stern, older gentleman stood behind the main counter to her left. Anne felt the eyes of the three nearest men on her and immediately wanted to back out of coming alone. 

No, she could stand her ground herself. While she seemed to be frowned upon even more when she walked around with her white husband in public than when she was alone, at least he was a solid rock at her side, both grounding and comforting at the same time. 

“Ah...yes,” she turned to face the store owner. The look on his face told it all. The same look she had seen dozens of times before. The look of surprise, disgust, and disappointment when seeing the tone of her full face. But she wouldn’t be swayed now. 

“Can I get some salt pork, flour, a bottle of wine vinegar, and a sack of potatoes, please?” 

The older man didn’t move. 

“And do you have boxes of chalk?” She tried again. 

“Oh yes dear, we do!” A shrill voice came from the back as a middle-aged woman with fiery red hair pinned up on her head walked toward her. “Loren, get the girl her groceries.” She shot the man a icy glare and he slowly started assembling a box.

“My name is Dorothy. We have chalk the children use with their slates,” the woman said kindly. “Over here. And you are?”

“I’m Anne Carlyle,” Anne replied as Dorothy guided her past the two leering men toward where the other woman was still inspecting bolts of cloth. 

“Don’t you have somewhere better to be?” The older lady spat toward them. The two men chuckled to themselves. 

Ignoring her, the long-haired one leaned toward Anne, “If you’re looking for work, my saloon is the only place people like you can find some decent wages,” he drawled. 

“Hank,” came a refined, but commanding voice from the back, “that is quite enough.” It was the tall, slim woman with hair down to her waist. The mountain man was now standing at her side and also glaring down the two others. 

Swallowing, Anne willed herself to still any shaking that may escape in her voice. “Thank you. But I am previously engaged with the circus. Besides,” she quipped, “I think swinging from my trapeze may be a safer business than working for you.” 

She saw the mountain man stifle a chuckle and caught a glimmer of respect in his eyes. Peculiar. The two women looked surprised at first, but then almost proud while the two men backed down. 

Hank put up his hands, “Whatever you say, little lady. Women are getting more and more feisty these days, Jake,” he addressed the second man. “Even ones like her.”

There it was again. Those two little words - like you. She knew exactly to what they were referring, but no matter how many times she had heard it, the pain it caused didn’t lessen. But she was also used to such comments. She had a thick skin over her sensitive heart.

The tall woman stepped around the men up to her. “I’m Dr. Michaela Quinn. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Caryle. This is my husband, Sully.” She gestured to the mountain man at her side. 

Of all people, Anne should not have been surprised by unexpected pairings, and yet she was still trying to reconcile the two images she saw in front of her. Michaela looked like a woman of refined manner - perhaps even from among Phillip’s old circles. Not by her dress, certainly, but by the way she carried herself and spoke. But the man had long, somewhat unkempt brown hair and primarily deerskin clothing, with weathered skin and kind eyes. Anne felt herself smiling.  
“Pleasure,” she replied. 

Loren grunted loudly from behind the counter, indicating that the box of goods was ready. Dorothy had moved to put the boxes of chalk in with the groceries and elbowed him with a frown. 

“May I help you carry your box somewhere, miss?” Sully asked.

Extremely surprised at the man’s offer, Anne gave him a thankful smile. “Thank you very much for your kind offer, sir, but my husband should be here any moment to pay our bill and assist me.” 

As if on queue, Phillip walked into the shop behind her. 

Loren was quick to address the simple, but well-dressed young man. “What can I do for you, sir?” he asked before Phillip could reach her. Turning to the storekeeper, Phillip once again extended his hand politely. 

“Thank you, but I think my wife may have already put in our order,” he shook Loren’s hand. “My name is Phillip Carlyle.” 

There was practically an audible gasp in the room when the pieces fell together, connecting the man’s last name to the young woman. Anne felt the tension and wanted to shrink again.


	5. When the Sharpest Words Want to Cut Me Down

"Thank God for such a loving man", Anne thought - not for the first, nor last, time. Phillip could always tell when she felt uncomfortable. 

It had been an interesting journey. While she was used to stares and cruel comments, it was something to which Phillip had no frame of reference. She had been raised to bear it, but he didn’t understand how to deal with it at first. He was certainly not ashamed of being with her or the circus, but he was extremely defensive. Not of himself or his actions, but of her sensitivity and heart. She loved him all the more for it. His unashamed attitude was always there to combat anyone who attacked her in any way. 

At first, it had been more direct - sometimes even violent. He had had a fair share of black eyes since joining the circus - more than he had ever had before. It distressed her every time Phillip came to blows with someone over her and she had begged him to stop. Slowly, Phillip’s handling of situations had evolved into a more deft and smooth approach. Rarely now did he let anyone receive satisfaction out of getting a rile out of him. 

This was evident now as he stepped up to her and put his arm around her. His familiar strength grounded her again and gave her confidence. 

“Did they have the chalk, dear?” He cocked his head toward her. “I don’t want you slipping from your trapeze!” 

“Ah, yes. They did. Dorothy here was helpful in finding it for me and Mr. Loren has packed a box for us,” she gestured toward the counter.   
Phillip once again turned to Loren and asked how much was owed. As he proceeded to take care of the bill, Dorothy spoke again. 

“That is right! You said you work on the trapeze, Mrs. Carlyle? How incredibly exciting!”

“Anne, please,” she smiled again. This was her element and topic of confidence. “And yes. I perform a trapeze act with my brother W.D.” 

Dr. Quinn and Sully had also moved up to gather their supplies and pay. Michaela stopped next to her. 

“How long have you been a trapeze artist?” she asked. 

Anne wasn’t keen on telling her story. “For practically as long as I can remember,” she replied. “W.D. and I had a natural knack for it, I suppose.” 

“And what is your act, Mr. Carlyle?” Sully asked the younger man. Anne couldn’t help but smile at his question. She had once asked him the same - years ago. 

Phillip laughed. “My role is much less interesting! But slightly more safe.” He winked at Anne. “I am the ringmaster. I make sure all the acts are working, the troupe gets paid, the animals fed, and the paperwork gets done.” There was no lack of enthusiasm in his voice, only pure joy and admiration for his job, evidenced by the sparkle in his blue eyes. 

“The whole circus wouldn’t run without him,” Anne smiled at him as both men picked up their boxes and turned to leave the store. As they made their way out, Dorothy suddenly stopped Anne on the porch with a soft hand on her shoulder. 

“If you wouldn’t mind, I mean...I run a newspaper here and I would love to write about your circus. It has been a while since we have had something this exciting come to town. And a woman trapeze artist? I would love to interview you sometime if you would be willing.” 

Anne didn’t know what to say. There had been times they were covered in the papers, but never had someone wanted to interview her. She caught Phillip’s eye for a moment and he was smiling encouragingly. 

Feeling her resolve bolstered, Anne replied, “I would love to speak with you about my role in the circus.” 

“Wonderful!” Dorothy was enthusiastic. 

“Feel free to drop by the circus anytime,” Phillip added, warranting a nod from Dorothy as the group continued down the steps. 

Sully proceeded to place the box in a wagon parked in the front. He then thrust out his hand toward Phillip. 

“The name’s Sully,” he said. “Welcome to Colorado Springs.”

Phillip placed his box on the step to reciprocate the firm handshake. 

“Let us know if there is anything we can do for you,” the mountain man added. 

“Thank you,” Phillip replied, happy for an accommodating presence in the town. “In fact, might you know when Dr. Quinn may be in? I need to hire a doctor to stand by at the show.” 

An inexplicable smile spread across Sully’s face, puzzling Phillip. Anne suddenly realized she had already met the doctor, but had failed to make the connection. 

“I am Dr. Quinn,” the slim woman said, reaching her hand to shake Phillip’s as well. He seemed taken aback for only a split second. 

“I am pleased to make your acquaintance, doctor,” Phillip said, addressing her in a dignified manner by using her vocational title. “Might I make an appointment with you to discuss procuring your services while we are in town?” 

She smiled. “Please, call me Michaela. And I would be happy to be present and offer my services if need be.”

“Michaela is the only doctor in town,” Sully added. 

“I see,” Phillip said. He gave a cautious look toward Anne. She knew what he always had to ask and it didn’t bother her that he did. In some cities, he would have to hire a couple different doctors. Not all wanted to treat certain members of the circus. He continued, “In that case, I must ask - are you comfortable or willing to work with any and all of our group?” 

Jake and Hank had come sidling out of the shop at that point. 

“Michaela seems to have an aversion to no one,” Jake said somewhat disdainfully. “She even treats the Indians.” 

Ignoring the remarks, Michaela acknowledged the pair. “I am a doctor and believe it my duty to treat anyone and everyone,” she looked at Anne with a smile. “In fact, would you two join us for dinner tonight? We would love to have you and give you a warm welcome to our town.” 

Michaela was one of the most sincere people Anne had ever met. There was no sign of malice or deceit, just pure kindness and hospitality. 

“Well...the circus is extremely busy…” Phillip hesitated, looking at Anne. Her face held a look of hope. “But I’m sure it could survive an evening without us.” His heart melted at the smile that spread on Anne’s face. 

“Great!” Sully clapped Phillip on the shoulder. “I will come and get you two in the wagon around 6.” Before Phillip could protest, he added, “We live a good ways out of town and the sun sets early this late in the season.” 

After exchanging goodbyes, the couple began their walk back to the circus grounds. Anne had a larger smile on her face than Phillip had seen in a long time, making him happy. Not even the head shakes and scoffing laughter of the other two men that had been aimed their way as they walked could dent his spirit. That’s when it hit him - it was the first time they had been sincerely invited to someone’s home for a meal as a married couple. No one outside the circus had ever done anything remotely close to inviting them to any social gathering, event, or even simple dinner. Maybe some people were changing after all. He could feel Anne’s excitement as she walked next to him and he didn’t want the moment of bliss to end.


	6. This is the Moment You've Waited For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip and Anne have dinner at the Sully household and feel welcomed as family

Sully was punctual. Anne had spent the entire day stretching and practicing routine moves on the ground with W.D. The big performance tent was not yet completely constructed, let alone their trapeze equipment. Phillip had gone around town recruiting any able-bodied and willing men to work for the week. He liked to get members of the community involved as much as possible at every stop they made along the tour and always set aside a chunk of the budget to hire hands. The benefits were two-fold: the performers could focus on their acts and resting up while the community involvement brokered some tranquility between the circus and the people. Of course, it wasn't a perfect system - Phillip had to be careful and alert with whomever he hired - but on the whole the benefits outweighed the occasional scuffle. 

Phillip was tired from the day and Anne was sore, but neither circumstance could dampen their excitement for a night out. The wagon’s buckboard was wide enough for all three of them, but Anne instinctively made her way to climb into the back - Phillip moved to be with her. 

“Mrs. Carlyle,” Sully said before she ascended. “Please sit up here. It is far more comfortable.” He gestured to the seat beside him and Anne was once again surprised by his cordiality. 

Phillip watched her. He knew how ingrained she was in trying to blend in, to not make scenes or be presumptuous. She “knew her place”, she had told him once. But this was hard for him to take. He didn't want her to lie down to be mowed over by other people’s small-minded prejudices. However, he rarely fought her on it. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel like he wasn’t on her side. So he supported her and, instead of trying to bring her “up to his level”, brought himself down to hers. There was no place he’d rather be. 

So when she hesitated, Phillip gently pulled her around to the front of the wagon where Sully was standing. The older man offered his hand to Anne as Phillip got in first and turned to assist her onto the buckboard. Taking Sully’s hand for leverage and Phillip’s for support, Anne hoisted herself into the wagon, settling down between the two men on the bench. Phillip’s arm circled her shoulders as Sully snapped reigns. 

When they arrived at the house, Phillip was taken with the place. Sully had told them along the way how he had built it before he and Michaela had married and that they shared it with their adoptive children Colleen and Brian. Matthew, the oldest, lived in his own place in town now that he was the sheriff of Colorado Springs, but he would be joining them for supper. 

Phillip helped Anne down from the wagon and took her arm as they walked up the stairs and through the open door Sully held for them. The wonderful smell of ham, bread, potatoes, and asparagus greeted them. Inside, a young boy was finishing a setting out of the table, a young woman was bent over the cookstove, and Michaela and a young man were conversing by the large fireplace to the left. Hearing the door close, they both turned and walked toward them.

“Welcome to our home,” she greeted the couple, extending her hands to Anne for a friendly squeeze. “This is my son Brian,” Michaela waved the young one over, “and this is Matthew.” Both smiled politely and shook both Phillip’s and Anne’s hand. “Colleen is finishing up the potatoes,” the pretty young lady waved from her post. 

“Dr. Quinn tells me you are the ringmaster of the circus,” Matthew drew Phillip into conversation while Brian pulled Anne’s attention by asking questions about being a trapeze artist. Phillip joined the young man by the fireplace. He was perhaps a few years younger than Phillip, but they stood eye to eye. 

“Yes, I am the ringmaster for most of our tour performances. During the day to day, “ringmaster” is mostly a fancy term for manager,” he grinned. “But I love every minute of it and performing side by side with her,” He glanced toward Anne, who was laughing with Brian and Colleen. 

“Sounds like an exciting profession,” Matthew said genuinely. “If there is anything I can assist you with, don't hesitate to ask.” 

Yet another surprise. Phillip rarely, if ever, was offered help from local authorities. Protesters would always show up. Occasionally law enforcement would come to keep the peace, but never with the express purpose of protecting the circus or any of its members. They were used to it by now, making encounters like these even more surprising. 

Matthew continued. “Jake, the mayor, isn’t the most open to strangers or anyone different, but he doesn’t mind when business is brought in. I don’t think you should have much trouble here, but again, if there are any services you require, I would be happy to help.” He offered Phillip a smile and he couldn’t help but reciprocate. 

“Thank you very kindly, sheriff,” he replied. “I must admit, we are not usually received so hospitably, so your offer is greater than you could know.” 

“There’s no need to be so formal here,” Sully’s voice came from behind Phillip as he joined the two young men. “We are all friends. Matthew, it may be prudent for you to be present at their performances to make sure there is no trouble.”

“Of course,” Matthew replied. “I’ll even have some deputies on standby for your performance nights.”

Phillip was stunned. By now, the weight of the prejudiced world had fully made itself known to him through his time at the circus, leaving little remembrance of the days when he was on the top and no one dared judge or scoff his position. These people were unlike any he had encountered - genuine in their conversation and thoroughly engaged in hospitality. Laughing, the conversation continued and Phillip fully enjoyed his first social engagement that felt real and genuine.


	7. The Other Side

Anne couldn’t remember the last time she had enjoyed an evening so much. The dinner was amazing and the company even more so. Stories were told, laughter exchanged, and real love was on display. Michaela and Sully were a perfect pair as well as perfect hosts, making the newlyweds feel recognized and included in a way they had never felt outside the circus. Anne instantly fell in love with Brian’s innocent inquisitiveness and, before every dish had been passed, had been weaseled into promising him a “backstage look” at her and W.D.’s practice the following day - after school of course. 

“Michaela, I haven’t tasted something so wonderful in a long time,” she complimented. 

“Oh dear me, I hardly touched it! Colleen is the real cooking master,” Michaela acknowledged her daughter, who blushed at the praise. “My skills have improved, but you should have seen me when I first came out to Colorado!” The whole table erupted into laughter leaving Anne and Phillip somewhat confused. 

“Yeah, Ma could hardly crack eggs when she first took us in,” Brian giggled. 

“And everything was burnt!” Matthew chimed in, resulting in another round of laughter. 

Anne watched the happy interaction and felt a strange sensation stir her heart. They were so happy, so complete. However, she sensed it had not always been that way. 

“What brought your family out here?” Phillip inquired. 

“Heavens,” Michaela replied, “this family has been a long time in coming.” The table grew quieter. “We weren’t always a family, actually. I came out here after the death of my father. He too was a doctor and I learned much from him and worked in his practice - the only place that would accept a woman doctor.” Anne nodded in understanding. She was all too familiar with being excluded. “But after his passing, the only offer I received to work as a doctor was in Colorado Springs. So I packed my bags and came out here with no experience and no knowledge other than how to be a doctor.” 

Sully smiled at her and took her hand when she paused, the two looking into each other’s eyes with a knowing expression. 

Colleen spoke up next. “Our Ma was the only person who took her in at first. She was too refined,” there was a small ripple of laughter. “After she passed away from a snake bite, Dr. Mike took us in and became our Ma.” 

The gravity of her words hung above them for a moment. Anne understood loss and pain and empathized greatly with their story. Suddenly, she felt the comforting squeeze of Phillip’s steady hand, noticing that she was trembling slightly at some resurfaced memories and she offered him a shy smile of appreciation. 

“But getting her to marry Sully took much longer,” Matthew added, lightening the mood somewhat as a ripple of laughter cascaded around the table. 

“That was quite the adventure,” Sully chuckled, “but we are finally all together and there is no place we would rather be.”

A knock on the door came softly but firmly, causing Sully to rise from his seat to see who had stopped by. With a large smile, he opened the door all the way and welcomed in a man with a friendly hug. Anne craned her neck to see who had come in. 

“Cloud Dancing!” a chorus rose from all at the table. 

“Welcome, old friend,” Sully ushered in the visitor. He had long dark hair and wore clothes much like Sully’s, accompanied by a feather in his hair and piercing dark eyes. 

“Good evening, all,” he said, ruffling Brian’s hair. 

“Cloud Dancing,” Sully said, “this is Phillip and Anne Carlyle.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” the Indian said in perfect English, extending a polite hand. Rising, Phillip shook it firmly. 

“They work with the circus that just came into town,” Sully continued. 

“What a spectacle it must be,” Cloud Dancing said. “I have heard tales of traveling circuses with incredible performances.”

“Then you should come see our show,” Phillip said, invitingly. “I am saving a row for the Sully family and would be happy to have you.” 

The mutual respect that passed between the two men was noticeable and Anne felt another wave of gratitude and pride for the incredible man she had married. He truly wanted to know and understand all different types of people and made it evident by his actions. 

After serving Cloud Dancing some food and catching up with some of his news, the conversation turned back to the special guests. 

“Phillip, I am curious, do you know the Carlyle’s of New York society? Is there any relation?” Michaela asked as she began to slice the apple pie that was fresh out of the oven. 

Anne felt Phillip tense next to her and it was her turn to squeeze his hand encouragingly. He seemed to gather his thoughts for a moment before answering. 

“Yes, the Carlyles are my parents,” he said slowly. “However, they were not too keen on my joining the circus and, after taking it on full time, I cut all ties with them.” His statement was not accusatory nor did it hold much emotion, it was simply laid out in front of everyone. Anne knew he had let out part of the story to protect her, but she felt it wasn’t right to leave all the blame on himself. 

“They did not approve of me and cut Phillip from their will,” she added softly. He gave her a frown, indicating that she didn’t have to add those details. Michaela’s knife paused and everyone looked up at the two of them, suddenly making Anne feel self-conscious - like they were noticing her skin color for the first time and she had just given them reason to. 

Seeming to have missed the implications of their comments, Brian piped up. “Where are your parents, Mrs. Carlyle?” 

“Brian,” Michaela hissed quickly.

“It’s alright,” Anne interjected. “Well Brian, I think I am probably much like you in many ways. I came from Georgia, but I never knew my father and I’m not sure if my mother is still alive, making me an orphan too. But you know what?” she asked, seeing his sympathetic expression, “I also found a new family who loves me and I love in return.” She smiled as she looked at Phillip and then leaned back into his chest. “The circus and all the performers are my home and my family and I get to live every day with the person I love more than anything in the world.” Resting her head against his shoulder, Phillip put his arms lovingly around her. 

The tension in the room melted, and the smiles returned. Knowing there had been enough background questions for the evening, the conversation turned lighter as Michaela and Colleen passed out generous slices of pie. 

The rest of the evening went smoothly. Anne insisted on helping with the dishes while Phillip engaged in conversation with the other three men, resulting in the whole family being hired for various jobs at the circus for the week. Matthew and Sully volunteered to help Phillip recruit more hands and assist in erecting the tents. Michaela agreed to be at both performances in the event of any injuries and Brian and Colleen were to take in the tickets at the door. 

“I appreciate your help, Sully,” Phillip said as he stood to leave. Fetching their coats from the hook, Brian handed them to him as Sully went outside to hitch the wagon. Phillip looked toward where the three women were seated by the fireplace, conversing after finishing the after-dinner chores. Rounding the couch, he saw that Anne was having difficulty keeping her eyes open and had taken a more lounge-like position on the couch, the work of the day and the pent up fatigue of the circus tour taking their toll. Michaela smiled up at him knowingly. 

“I think you both need a good night of rest,” she said softly, rising from the rocker gracefully. 

“Anne, dear,” he knelt in front of her. Her eyes fluttered open wider suddenly and blinked slowly. “We need to go home. Let me help you put on your coat.” She nodded in response and let him help her up to a seated position and then to her feet. 

After profusely thanking their hosts for such a lovely evening and exchanging hugs and handshakes, Phillip led Anne down the front porch steps to the wagon. Sully spread a thick blanket over the couple before climbing in himself. Though the ride home was bumpy and jerked them about, Anne was asleep in seconds, resting first her head and then leaning her entire body into Phillip. She shivered in the cold so he pulled her closer, tucked the blanket up around her shoulders, supporting her sleeping form. 

Sully smiled at the younger man. “She’s an amazing young woman.” 

Phillip looked up. “She certainly is. She is the light of my life and I am the luckiest man in the world. She has been through so much in her life - I would give up everything for her.”

“Sounds like you already did.”


	8. This is the Greatest Show

“I don’t know how you do it,” Sully shook his head emphatically as Anne swung 40 feet above them. The tent and rigging had been set up the previous day and she was finally able to practice. “I mean, watch her do that for a living. It would give me a heart attack.”

Phillip chuckled. “That makes two of us,” he said, “I still hold my breath every time.” The two men were working alongside other hired hands and Oddities to assemble the bleachers around the three rings. Lettie’s light trilling could be heard wafting through while dancers yelled out “one, two, three, four!” and practiced routines in the far ring. Their first performance of two was that night and everyone was excited to display their skills after a week of travel and set up. In fact, they had done the show so many times, Phillip didn’t pester anyone to practice any more than they wanted, instead allowing them to rest and relax. All took advantage except his beloved trapeze artist. Since the rigging had gone up, he had been virtually unable to get Anne to come down to the ground. She loved being up in the air, swinging and flying like a bird. He was encouraged that there was only one thing she loved more - and he was always enough to eventually bring her back down. He just thanked God for the nets that they practiced with, making him breathe easier the majority of the time. 

That night, there was a long line of people eager to come and the tickets were selling quickly. Phillip and Anne had eaten a quick dinner together before he left to finish any last minute details while she changed into her costume and wig. Now the whole place was buzzing with jittery excitement. Somewhat ceremoniously, Phillip, W.D. and Constantine opened the tent flaps and welcomed in the swarm of people who quickly began filling in seats. Leaving Brian and Colleen to handle tickets and greet people as they came in, Phillip did a last minute backstage check and quickly kissed Anne for good luck. Soon, the seats were just about full and the crowd coming through the opening thinned. 

“We don’t let your kind in here,” the mayor’s voice was like ice piercing Phillip’s soul as he walked toward the doors to confirm all their audience had made it inside. 

“Cloud Dancing was invited by Mr. Carlyle himself,” Brian said defiantly as Phillip rounded the bleachers to see the interaction. 

“Is there a problem, sir?” Phillip inquired. 

“I was just telling him not to bother coming in,” Jake said, his greasy pal Hank standing smugly nearby. 

“I’m sorry, I was addressing Cloud Dancing,” Phillip said, taking secret pleasure in the shocked looks on the two men’s faces. “Please,” he gestured inside, “let me personally see you to your seat. It is good to see you again, my friend.” 

Leaving the troublesome pair to find their own seats, Phillip led Cloud Dancing, Brian, and Colleen to the row he has set aside for them where Sully and Michaela were already situated. 

“Enjoy the show,” Phillip tipped his hat before running backstage. 

The show was practically perfect - one of the best they had ever done. Phillip swelled with pride as they all danced with invigorating fervor at the end. Grasping Anne’s hand as she swung down to his side, he twirled her around and gave her their traditional closing kiss as the lights dimmed and the crowd roared. As they both rose to standing, they heard some familiar squeals and cheers. 

At the opening to the tent stood P.T. Barnum himself with his wife Charity and two daughters Helen and Caroline. Their unexpected presence caused the whole cast to laugh with shock and joy as they took their final bows. 

That night there was a grand reunion party as everyone crowded round the Barnums after the last audience members had left the tent. Pestered with questions, P.T. finally put up his hands to quiet everyone. 

“We wanted to come out for the last performances of the year. I couldn’t be more impressed and proud of every single one of you,” he said, the gleam in his eye revealing his sincerity. The Barnum girls giggled with delight as their pseudo-older-brother spun them around on his back and tickled them. Phillip could swear they had each grown four inches since last he’d seen them. Anne laughed as she watched the trio. She loved how he interacted with and loved them. Suddenly, the strange sensation she had felt at the Sully home twinged in her heart again. Phillip locked eyes with her suddenly and the feeling was gone as she grinned. 

It took longer than usual for the circus acts to wind down for the night, but at last everyone retired to their tents, knowing that they needed to rest for the final performance the following day. P.T. joined Anne around the wire spool table at in their tent. She brewed a pot of tea while they waited for Charity and Phillip to return from tucking Helen and Caroline into bed. They had begged him to come and tell him a story from their “western adventure” and he couldn’t deny them. 

“How are you, Anne?” Barnum asked. He was like the father Anne never had and she appreciated their special bond. 

“Honestly, I’m exhausted,” she confessed. “I love what I do, but I am looking forward to the several week holiday.”

“I understand,” Barnum nodded. “I want to give you and Phillip something for your vacation. I know you two never got a proper honeymoon, so think of this as a joint wedding and Christmas gift.” He reached into his breast pocket and withdrew an envelope, placing it in Anne’s hand. She looked from it to him. “Why don’t you wait to open it when you and Phillip are alone?” 

She smiled. “Thank you Mr. Barnum. You really don’t have to give us anything. We have everything we need.” She made a slight attempt to hand the envelope back. 

Barum put his hands up. “I know that, Anne, but Charity and I want to.”

At that moment, Charity and Phillip walked in the flap, bringing a rush of chilly air into the tent. Anne pulled her shawl closer, tucking the envelope into a fold to save till later as Phillip kissed her temple. After about a half hour of catching up, the Barnum’s excused themselves, leaving the two alone with another whoosh of cool air. Anne shivered against it as she rose from her seat, Phillip rising with her. She began to gather the tea cups, but he wrapped his arms around her, stopping the action. 

“Let me do those,” he whispered in her ear. “You’re exhausted and need to get some sleep before tomorrow’s performance.” 

“So do you,” she retorted. “Why don’t we both just leave them and go to bed? I’m cold and don’t want to lie there without you.”

Smiling and keeping one hand entwined in hers, Phillip opened one of the trunks and pulled out two more thick blankets before guiding her into the back room of the tent. She sat on the bed, feeling the fatigue pull at her again. He knelt in front of her, holding her hands after placing the blankets next to her. 

“Anne, are you alright?” he asked, a concerned frown creasing his forehead and darkening his blue eyes as he looked up into her own brown ones. 

She looked into those deep eyes and felt safety and love. “Yes, I’m fine darling. Just tired and ready for all of this to be done for a season.” 

Phillip didn’t feel his concern alleviate. Anne had been extremely tired lately and it worried him. Perhaps the western tour was truly taking its toll. He would need to reevaluate the schedule for the spring tour, he thought to himself. 

“Maybe you should not perform tomorrow,” he said, stroking her hair, tucking a curl behind her ear. However, she gave him a shocked look.  
“No! I can’t not perform tomorrow! It is our last show and everyone -” 

“Alright, alright!” Phillip laughed. “I’m sorry for suggesting it. I just want you to be healthy and not feel pressure if you need to begin your break now.”

Anne gave him a perturbed look that told him there was no discussion to be had. Chuckling, he dropped her hands and whisked her slippers off of her feet. Tucking an arm beneath her knees, he lifted them up onto the bed and made sure she was comfortable. Climbing in next to her, he pulled the thick blankets up to her chin, draping his arm around her. She curled into him, feeling instantly warmer and, as always, safe and secure.


	9. I Think of What the World Could Be

The wind whipped bitterly cold through the camp. Phillip awoke to a shiver next to him. Seeing the blankets had slipped half off the bed, he sat up, pulling them back into place over Anne’s cold shoulders. Stretching, Phillip yawned before moving as carefully as possible to climb out from behind her without rousing her. It worked and he put his feet on the cold rug that covered the grass floor. Sighing with one last stretch, he hoisted himself up. Suddenly, cold fingers wrapped around his, weakly attempting to pull him back down.

“Don’t go,” Anne’s voice whispered. “It’s cold and I miss you already.” He wondered at her clinginess. Not that he didn’t appreciate the attention and desired to always be at her side, but it seemed uncharacteristic and she had been more this way since they got to Colorado Springs. He allowed himself to perch on the edge of the bed, wrapping her cold fingers into his hands, trying to warm them. 

“I want to stay, but I’ve got to get the circus up and make sure everything is in order this morning.” He kissed her fingers. 

Anne sighed, drawing his hands to her chest. Frowning like he had the night before, Phillip wrestled one hand free and felt her forehead, half expecting a fever, but there was none. Moving his fingers down to stroke her face, he leant over and kissed her softly. 

That’s when her eyes opened. “Phillip, I just…” her voice trailed off at the concerned look in his eyes. 

“Just what?”

Despite his encouragement to continue, Anne hesitated. It was silly, she told herself (Get yourself together). She shook her head lightly. 

“It’s nothing.”

Slipping off his perch on the bed to kneel beside it and look her square in the eyes, Phillip replied, “Darling, you know you can tell me anything. I know something is bothering you. What is it?”

Anne seemed to sigh in defeat and took a swallow of resignation. “I just have this strange feeling, that’s all...I don’t want to be apart from you. I can’t explain it, I -” 

“Shh,” Phillip comforted her, stroking her hair with his free hand. “It’s okay. It’ll pass. Everything here is going well, we haven’t had any protesters, no one to bother you. There’s nothing to be afraid of and soon enough we will be spending the holiday away from it all. I can’t wait for it.” He pressed his forehead to hers while she still clutched his hands to her heart. 

“I know,” she replied simply. His presence and words were encouraging, but they didn’t dispel the disquieting feeling in the pit of her stomach. But she didn’t want him to worry, so she pulled away slightly and offered him a smile. “Don’t let me make you late. Just help me up and I’ll get started on breakfast.”

Smiling in return, Phillip gently pulled her up to stand next to him, kissing her one last time before heading out the flap into the cold, late November air. Anne clutched her shawl around her and set to making coffee and toast. 

\---------------

“Are you sure, Phillip? I don’t want to impose. After all, it’s more your circus now than mine.” P.T. fumbled around the request. 

“Of course, Barnum,” Phillip laughed. “It’s been forever since you led the troupe into the ring - I would be happy to let you don the mantle for this last performance of the tour. That way,” he added, “I can have a less stressful time being able to fully devote my attention to watching Anne’s last performance.” 

The older man smiled at him. The show that night was to be spectacular and both men couldn’t wait to show the crowd the biggest finale they had ever done. 

\---------------

Anne shuffled backstage. Phillip was late. He always came back right before the show to check up on everyone and kiss her for luck. She had felt a strange anxiety the whole day whenever she was away from him, like she feared not seeing him again. She couldn’t explain it, but also couldn’t shake it. Lettie noticed her fretting and put a loving hand on her shoulder. 

“You alright, child?” she asked motherly. 

“Oh, yes, I’m just fine.” Anne lied. 

“Girl, I know when a woman has something on her mind,” Lettie scolded. “What is it?” 

For the first time, Anne felt tears spring to her eyes. Surprised at their unbidden presence, she tried to quickly look away and stop them. But Lettie’s cunning eyes missed nothing. Taking her hand gently, the woman led Anne to a crate and sat her down as the tears began to silently track down her face. There was no sobbing, no real crying, just silent tears. 

As if knowing what was going through Anne’s mind, Lettie said, “Don’t try to explain those tears away, just let them fall and tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Lettie, do you ever feel like you know that something bad is going to happen?” Anne asked after a shaky breath. The woman gave a small nod of understanding and Anne continued. “I can’t shake this feeling that something is going to happen and Phillip and I are going to be apart. I’ve been anxious when I haven’t been able to see him for long periods of time today and I don’t know why. I just...I’m afraid something is going to happen to him.” 

Lettie’s motherly arm was around the smaller woman’s shoulders, offering support and comfort. “Honey, I can’t offer you an explanation for how you feel, but I can tell you that I think Phillip is perfectly safe and you’re both going to be just fine. This town has been one of the best stops we’ve ever made. There’s no protesters or anyone causing us any real trouble.” She paused for a moment before adding, “Perhaps you feel like this place has a false sense of security?” 

“Like maybe it’s too good to be true and Phillip and I have had a taste of what it’s like to be...normal?”

Lettie nodded. Anne thought about it. Maybe that was it. The only sounds outside the tent were the occasional late-season crickets or laughing families coming in late. There were no shouts of anger and malevolence. No one had been harassed or confronted their whole time in town. She and Phillip had eaten dinner with a local family. The Barnums were here. Maybe Lettie was right, she felt oddly safe and didn’t know if she could trust it. Like she would suddenly wake from this dream and face reality again. 

She looked up at the older woman, taking a deep breath. Suddenly, she felt as if a weight had been lifted. The dull ache of uneasiness was still present, but she felt better, like she could face the performance confidently. Lettie patted her shoulder, encouraging Anne with her presence. 

“Thank you, Lettie.” 

“Five minutes to curtain!” Barnum’s voice boomed throughout the backstage. 

Before she could respond, Anne felt someone’s arms wrap around her shoulders and a kiss plant on her temple. She let a small laugh escape her lips as she turned to see Phillip fully. That’s when she noticed that he wasn’t wearing his red ringmaster’s jacket. 

“Phillip! We’re on in a few minutes - where’s your jacket?”

“I won’t need it till the end,” he replied, rocking her playfully back and forth. “Barnum is going to lead this show, but I’ll still do my knee-slide entrance at the end. You know, P.T. isn’t quite as spry as he used to be.” He winked at her and Lettie before letting go of Anne. She stood and turned around. Throwing her arms around his neck, Anne kissed Phillip passionately for a moment before drawing back. 

“What was that for?” Phillip asked through a smile. 

Staring into his deep blue eyes, Anne replied, “I just love you so much.”

“I love you too.”


	10. Will You Catch Me if I Should Fall?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It has been so encouraging to read your comments :) 
> 
> Also, sorry/not sorry for this chapter ;)

The opening number was spectacular. Barnum hadn’t lost any of his charm or rhythm, performing flawlessly. It was fun to have him back out in the ring and his tenacity added to the general excitement of the performers and thus also the crowd. 

Anne was out of breath when she reached her platform forty feet off the ground. They had just finished singing and dancing and she had to run to get up to her perch. Thankfully, Tom’s number and the lion tamers performed before her and W.D., but she liked being up in the air as soon as possible to mentally prepare. 

The ropes looked good and all the rigging was in place. Anne let out her breath confidently, realization dawning that this was her last trapeze act for at least two months. The thought was both exhilarating and sobering. Shaking out her limbs and doing some last minute stretches, she looked across the tent at her brother doing the same. He smiled and sent her a little wave, which she returned as the crowd erupted in applause as Tom exited on his elephant and the lions and their trainers replaced him in the center ring. 

Looking down at the sight, Anne could not help being amazed at other acts in the circus. She had seen the lion act dozens of times, but it never ceased to amaze her. That’s when she heard Barnum’s voice narrating excitedly to the crowd as the act set up. She looked to the middle of the ring, still expecting to see Phillip there and not P.T., and, when not seeing him, suddenly felt the awful feeling gnaw at her insides again. Not realizing how frantically her eyes were searching, they finally landed on his frame standing just outside the light of the ring next to the bleachers. Anne let out her held breath and willed herself to breathe deeply. 

As if sensing her tension, Phillip looked up at her and caught her eyes. She shot him a shaky smile, hoping it would look genuine from the distance between them. In that moment, she couldn’t take her eyes off of his, memorizing their blueness, taking in his features that she had seen many, many times before but suddenly felt desperate to take in again. Anne watched a small crease grow between his eyebrows and his eyes did the questioning. She smiled wider and mouthed "I love you". 

"I love you too" he mouthed back with an encouraging smile as the crowd applauded the lion tamers and Barnum began introducing the next act. It was showtime. 

———————-

Phillip couldn’t help but feel slightly more concerned than usual. Anne hadn’t seemed her normal self that day and it worried him with the risk associated with her act. But when she mouthed I love you down to him, he could see the confidence and fire in her eyes that he had grown accustomed to and loved. Not that it made watching her act any easier, but he knew that mentally she was alright and that the act would go seamlessly. 

But sometimes there are circumstances that we cannot control, despite the amount of preparation, confidence, and even love, we put into something. 

The act was perfect. W.D. and Anne’s transitions, holds, passes, and flips were flawless. Phillip knew their routine almost as much as they did, knowing when Anne let go, when she reconnected. It all went according to design. 

She stuck the last handhold with ease, her hands rubbing against the smooth, cool metal bar as the momentum of her body swung her out and in. But when she swung outward again, Anne suddenly felt a jerk, and her stomach rose up in her throat for a moment at the suddenness of it. Snapping her head upward at the last second, she watched as the horizontal bar fell vertically. 

Phillip’s breath caught in his throat. As Anne’s body swung with momentum, suddenly the right side of the trapeze bar gave way from the chain securing it and fell vertically, jerking Anne violently as she tried to maintain her grip on the broken bar. But the downward thrust had caught her off guard and her hand slipped from the metal as her body flailed wildly, still impacted by the swing’s momentum and gravity’s sudden grip. He heard a cry escape her lips as she fell and then all seemed to go deadly still and silent. The only thing that moved was Anne’s body as she fell some forty feet. Phillip realized he was screaming her name, but he felt paralyzed, like he was frozen and forced to simply watch as his star fell from the sky. 

Time seemed to stop. And suddenly it was over. The faculty of hearing suddenly came back to him and he heard her body hit the ground and he wanted to be sick. That’s when his scream sliced through the gasps that echoed from every corner of the tent. 

“Anne!” he rushed out into the ring, dropping down at her side, half expecting her to suddenly stand up, thrilling the crowd, and bow to their thunderous applause. Instead, she lay there, so still, her body unnaturally positioned. 

He cried her name again and reached out for her when another voice cut through the fog. 

 

“Don’t touch her!” 

 

His first thought was to retaliate - no one would keep him from her! But suddenly, he saw Dr. Quinn drop down on Anne’s other side. She looked him dead in the eyes and gripped his shoulders with both hands. 

“Don’t touch her, Phillip,” she said. “We don’t know what is broken and we cannot risk injuring her further, do you understand?” 

Her eyes pierced his soul and he wanted to look away, to push her away, to simply fall down next to Anne and cradle her in his arms. But Michaela shook him, forcing him to keep looking at her. Her eyes pleaded with him, holding compassion and authority simultaneously. 

“Yes,” he eventually croaked out, his voice suddenly feeling nonexistent. Dr. Quinn dropped her hands and quickly began to carefully examine Anne. Colleen had now appeared at her mother’s side and was also helping to look his wife over, though both touched her minimally. 

Phillip could hear voices. The crowd had started to murmur now and the other circus performers had emerged from backstage and were crowding just outside the ring. At that moment, he felt W.D.’s large presence next to him, panting from adrenaline and his hasty descent from the rigging above. P.T. pushed his way through, placing one hand on Phillip’s shoulder and the other on W.D. 

Only then did Phillip realize that Michaela had been saying things, declaring orders, and shooing people away. Barnum gave a supportive squeeze to his shoulder before turning and barking orders to the Oddities to assist him in getting the audience out. Suddenly, Sully and Matthew appeared with a stretcher, Brian backing their wagon in through the front tent flap as close to the ring as possible. 

"Broken right arm...damage to the left knee...probable head trauma..." Michaela and Colleen’s voices broke through the fog, though Phillip had no capacity to fully comprehend it. All he could see was Anne. 

“Phillip?” That voice had the power to shake him from his daze. He reached forward and took her left hand, carefully. Anne’s eyes fluttered open and seemed to be frantically searching. “Phillip?” her voice sounded more desperate that time.

“It’s okay,” Phillip found his voice. “I’m right here. I’m right here. Just lie still, alright? You’re going to be okay…” he continued to murmur to her until her eyes rolled back in her head. Panic seized him. “Anne? Anne, please...no...please…” He squeezed her hand tighter, desperately willing her to reopen her eyes. 

“Mr. Carlyle, it’s alright, she just lost consciousness,” Colleen’s voice. 

“We need to get her to the clinic,” Michaela said to Sully who quickly moved to where the doctor had been kneeling. Matthew squatted down beside Phillip. 

“Mr. Carlyle - Phillip - I need you to move so we can get her on the wagon.”

Phillip nodded and shifted just out of the way, though not enough to let go of her hand or leave her side. Matthew didn’t fight him, but instead carefully lifted Anne onto the stretcher. 

Once she was in the wagon, the bottom of which was cushioned with hay and blankets, Phillip sat beside her, still clutching Anne’s hand as if his and her life depended on it. Dr. Quinn and Colleen also clambered into the back while Sully slapped the reigns. The doctor and her daughter were still speaking and examining, but Phillip couldn’t comprehend a word. Matthew led the way on his horse, clearing a path and freeing the road so they could get by the crowds of people who had emptied out of the tent. 

When they arrived at the clinic, everyone hurried about. Brian held the door open as Colleen ran inside to gather supplies together. Michaela gave orders to Sully and Matthew to take the girl straight upstairs to a room. 

“She needs to be moved as little as possible, so take her upstairs. I don’t want her in the examining room only to be moved again.” 

Sully and Matthew nodded their nonverbal confirmation and grabbed either end of the stretcher. Once they were off the wagon, Michaela once again held Phillip back, forcing him to drop Anne’s hand. 

“I can’t leave her,” he protested, but she pushed back. 

“Phillip, look at me,” she said intensely. It took all his strength to tear his eyes off of Anne and turn to Michaela. Her eyes were the same as before, though the authority was shining through a bit stronger this time. “Listen, I need to thoroughly examine her and diagnose the severity of her injuries. I especially need to check for internal bleeding and head trauma. What I need you to do is wait outside the room until I have done this so that I can do it quickly. I promise you that if anything changes or happens before I am done, I will bring you in immediately. Do you understand?” 

Phillip could only nod numbly in response as the doctor turned and ran into the clinic. He followed shortly after, racing up the stairs only to stare at a closed door.


	11. Through the Dark, Through the Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick disclaimer: I don't (nor will I pretend to) have a ton of medical knowledge and don't have the time to really look this stuff up. So...I hope there isn't anything too far-fetched and that the story is simply enjoyable. Thanks for reading!

The upstairs hallway wasn't long enough. Phillip had no idea how many times he had reached each end, only to turn around and walk back. The jitters of adrenaline and anxiety wouldn't let him stand still. 

Sully stood by the door solemnly, watching the younger man pace. Matthew was next to him, feeling useless. Footsteps clambered up the stairs, the desperate faces that appeared belonging to Barnum and W.D. Barnum gave a desperate look to Sully, only eyes questioning as he didn't want to break the tenuous silence. Sully gave his head a slight shake, indicating his ignorance of Anne’s current condition. 

Looking toward the sound of footfalls that echoed eerily through the corridor, Barnum watched as Phillip reached the end and slowly turned around. W.D. made a move for the door, but Sully put up his arm firmly, though gently, blocking his path. Sympathy shone in his eyes and the man backed into the opposite wall, finally sinking down and putting his head on his knees. 

By this time, Phillip had reached their end of the hallway, seeming to be in a daze. 

“Phillip,” Barnum said softly, reaching out to stop the man’s trajectory, placing a steadying hand on his shoulder. Phillip blinked and looked into his mentor’s familiar face. “Why don't you sit down? Save your strength, son.” 

He offered a nod of confirmation, looking downward for a place to sit, exhaustion pulling at him. It felt as though he had been waiting for hours. Why had Dr. Quinn not come out yet? Phillip felt anxious at being unable to at least see Anne breathe - to know she was still with him by the rise and fall of her chest that he had been able to see in the wagon ride over. 

Slumping to the floor, Phillip buried his head in his hands, his elbows lax atop his knees. Barnum lowered down next to him, offering no words, but simply his comforting presence. 

A click and creak jolted Phillip from his daze. Had he dozed off? It didn't matter, he shot to his feet instantly and looked expectantly into Michaela's eyes. Before she could speak, a weak voice found its way to Phillip’s ears, causing him to instantly tense. 

“Phillip?” Anne moaned. She sounded delirious and small. Phillip immediately tried to push past the doctor to go to her. But she stood in his way and Barnum’s hand planted softly on his shoulder. 

“She’s alright for now - Colleen is with her. I need to speak with you first,” Michaela said gently, pushing him out of the doorway and closing it behind her. Before addressing Phillip directly, she turned to Matthew and Brian. “I need you to go to Jake and ask him for access to the ice shed. We need some as quickly as possible.” Her voice was steady, but her tone firm, betraying the urgency of her request. The brothers nodded and scrambled down the stairs. 

When her eyes once again locked with his, Phillip could hardly contain his desperation. She took a deep breath before beginning. 

“This is what I know for certain - her right forearm is broken, with another small fracture in the wrist. Her left knee also has severe damage, I will know more when the swelling goes down.” She paused to allow the small crowd to fully understand what she had said thus far. “She...also hit her head in the fall. There is a lot of swelling…”

“Is she awake?” Phillip had to know. 

“She shifts in and out of consciousness right now. This is where I may need you help.” Michaela placed her hand on his arm to focus him. 

At the possibility of being useful, Phillip could feel his adrenaline rise. He would do anything the doctor needed as long as he could be by Anne’s side. 

“What can I do?” he asked hoarsely. 

Michaela’s eyes flitted around the group of men who were hanging on her every word. Sully could perceive her deep concern and nodded to her encouragingly. 

“Phillip,” She addressed him by his first name so she had his full attention - though he was practically shaking in anticipation of her instructions. “I need to see her eyes to help me diagnose her possible head trauma. Often, people will be more likely to open their eyes if someone they know is with them and speaks to them.” 

Phillip needed no more prompting. There was nothing he would rather do. He started to move forward to go through the door, but Michaela wasn’t finished. 

“After that, I need to set her arm so it will heal properly. You can be there to help her through the pain,” she looked at him to make sure he understood her grave tone. “She is extremely weak, so you need to be her strength. This is going to be physically and emotionally painful - I need to know you’re ready.” 

Phillip swallowed. He understood. The fog he felt he’d been living in for the past hour or two cleared and, with a sense of purpose, he was able to comprehend what she was telling him. It would be painful for him too, but he needed to be the strength that Anne lacked. 

Phillip nodded resolutely. “Yes. I’m ready - just tell me what to do. I trust you, doctor.” 

Satisfied, Michaela stepped aside for him to enter the room - which he did without delay. After the door had closed behind him, she turned to the other three men standing before her. 

“How bad is it really, doctor?” Barnum broke the silence, feeling W.D. tense next to him. But he knew they could all see it in her eyes. 

“The next few hours are going to be extremely painful for her. I fear the severity of her head injury. With that, I cannot administer any chloroform to put her to sleep while I set her arm and leg.”

She let the words sink in for a moment. Anne would have to be awake for all of it. The men were sober. Sully put a comforting arm around Michaela while Barnum placed a steady hand on W.D.’s shoulder. 

“What can we do to help you?” Sully asked. 

“I’ll need help setting her broken bones. Will you take W.D. downstairs and get bandages, the setting boards and straps, and, as soon as Matthew and Brian return, assist them in bringing in the ice?” 

Placing a kiss on her forehead, Sully acknowledged her request and gently led W.D. down the stairs with him, leaving Barnum alone with Michaela. 

“I need you to be there for Phillip,” she said softly. “I fear this will be harder for him in some ways than for her.”


	12. Let Me Be Part of It All

The room was dark, with two oil lamps burning on the bedside tables. In the dim light, laid in the bed, Anne looked smaller to Phillip than she ever had. She was still in her trapeze costume, the pink wig having been discarded back at the circus tent. Colleen sat on the far side of the bed, but rose so as to offer the seat to Phillip. He lowered into it, his eyes never leaving the frail form of his wife. She stirred slightly, restlessly. Phillip reached for her hand, but thought better of it at the last second, looking up questioningly at Colleen. 

“It’s alright. That arm is uninjured,” Colleen whispered. 

Confirmed, Phillip gently took Anne’s hand into his two larger ones, drawing it up to his lips. She stirred again, moaning. 

“Anne, darling,” he said softly. “I’m here. Right here. It’s alright.”

The door opened then, letting in a crack of light as Michaela and Barnum stepped into the room. Barnum felt his stomach drop at the sight before him. They held more lamps, illuminating the room. Anne’s whole right arm didn’t look right, disproportionate in size in comparison to her other, and was a frightening shade of black and blue. The sheet was pulled up to her torso, concealing her knee, though he was sure it didn’t look any better. Phillip held her left hand in his own and was speaking softly to her as she moved slightly and moaned. 

Michaela directed him to bring the lamps closer. “Why don’t we see if we can get her to open her eyes some, Phillip.” 

Nodding, Phillip squeezed her hand slightly with his left while reaching up with his right to stroke her face. Stirring again, Anne’s eyes flitted a few times, trying to focus.  
“Phillip?” her voice was so quiet, but held an edge of fear to it. She tried to move more and her eyes darted about the room. “Phillip? Phillip!”

“Ssh, ssh, Anne I’m right here, it’s okay…” Phillip tried desperately to calm her as she became more frantic, and suddenly tried to sit up. The attempt was weak and he eased her back down. “Anne, dear, you’re safe. Just breathe sweetheart. I’m here - can you hear me?” 

Anne looked around, attempting to focus on something. “Phillip, where are you?” She let out a sudden cry of pain and squeezed her eyes shut again, her right hand moving weakly to press against her temple. She sucked in her breath sharply in pain, her chest heaving with the sudden exertion, a groan escaping her lips. “It hurts Phillip...help me.” Her weak cries wrenched his heart as he tried to comfort her. 

“I know, darling, I know,” Phillip stroked her cheek. Dr. Quinn also hovered over her now, looking over her in the brighter light provided by the added lamps. “Can you open your eyes, dear? Michaela needs to check them, alright?” Frowning slightly, Anne slowly acquiesced, allowing Phillip to once again take her hand from her temple and cradle it to his chest. Michaela brought a lamp closer to Anne’s face to examine her now-open eyes. 

“How can you check my eyes?” she said, trying to put some brevity to her voice. “It’s so dark in here…” Anne’s words hung in the room as everyone went still. Phillip looked up at Michaela, trying desperately to find an explanation. When she offered none and continued to conduct her examination, Phillip tried to stifle the terrifying lump in his throat - he felt like someone had just forced all of the air out of his lungs. 

“Phillip?”

He looked down at her - her eyes were roaming aimlessly, trying to rest on something. Swallowing the choking feeling in his throat, Phillip gently squeezed her hand. 

“I’m right here, sweetheart,” his voice shaking more than he had intended. Turning her head slightly toward the sound of his voice, but failing to make eye contact, Anne frowned slightly. 

“Why can’t I see you?” she asked. “Why is it so dark? Where are we? Why can’t I…” With each question, the anxiety in Anne’s voice grew, and the weak grip she had on Phillip’s hand tightened. 

“Anne, dear,” Michaela said reassuringly. “It’s alright. You hit your head very hard when you fell - it may be affecting your eyesight.” The statement didn’t seem to calm her, so Phillip continued to stroke her hair, her face, murmuring softly and drawing circles with his thumb on her hand. It took all he had to still his own trembling, but he knew how perceptive Anne was and didn’t want to alarm her further. Her breathing normalized some and she calmed down slowly. 

Michaela put the lamp back on the stand. She turned and gave Phillip a look that told him that a conversation needed to be had, but not here and not now. The tension and silence were broken with the sudden knock on the door, revealing Sully and W.D. with the bandages and Matthew and Brian with some buckets of ice. Michaela waved them all in, motioning for them to bring the table at the end of the bed around to the side and put the implements on it. Anne, now more calm, seemed on the verge of unconsciousness again.

“Anne,” Michaela said. “Your head has some swelling, so we are going to put some ice under it. I’m also going to put ice around your knee. The cold will be painful, but it will help. Do you understand?” Anne gave a weak sound of confirmation. 

“You need to stay awake, darling,” Phillip said compassionately. But she was already half gone. Perhaps this would be better, he thought. Perhaps she would sleep through the setting of her broken bones. 

Unfortunately, that was not the case.


	13. I Am Brave, I Am Bruised

The past few hours had been torturous. Phillip wanted to be sick, he couldn’t get the sound of Anne’s screams out of his mind. He wished the memories would fade, but the longer he sat in the current silence, the more his thoughts replayed the scene over and over. 

Michaela had started by packing some ice in a towel, and placing it on the back of Anne’s head, followed by wrapping her knee in the same manner. Anne didn’t start to protest in pain until they started moving her knee around and the cold ice made contact. But the real battle began when they began to set her broken arm. 

Colleen assisted Dr. Mike in preparing to set the arm. Sully stood nearby also to help. Not wanting the place over-crowded, Michaela asked W.D. to go downstairs with Brian and Matthew. He had done so quite reluctantly, but understood that it was what was best. Once the three had gone, the doctor instructed Sully and Barnum to stand on either side of the bed, to help hold her still if need be. Phillip was to remain at Anne’s side to comfort her as much as possible. 

Barnum squeezed Phillip’s shoulder reassuringly. He felt the slight tremble beneath his fingers. The younger man, though well-educated and smart, had not yet faced the situation of watching someone he loved go through excruciating pain. He had spent his own painful time of recovery in the hospital after the fire, but going through one’s own pain is different than watching a loved one endure it. Barnum understood this, and having taken Michaela’s earlier words to heart, prepared himself to be emotional support for his apprentice. 

Anne had roused again at the sounds of movement and as Dr. Mike began touching her arm. She tried to pull her arm away from the touch, but stopped with a hiss of pain. Feeling utterly weak, Anne became aware of Phillip’s strong hands around hers and took comfort in their familiar touch. He was speaking soft and loving words to her, and she tried to focus her mind on them. 

Suddenly, pain laced sharply up and down her arm as Michaela swiftly moved her wrist and started to wrap it tightly in linen. A rhythmic throb increased in intensity and frequency in her elbow and Anne tried to stifle a cry, resulting in a muffled moan. After securing the wrist fracture, Michaela readied to set the forearm. Colleen held long strips of linen ready. 

Phillip had a hold of Anne's hand in his left while his right stroked her forehead and hair rhythmically. He knew she was trying to be strong, if not for herself than for him. But she had hardly contained the previous protest. Suddenly, Dr. Mike moved in one quick motion while holding Anne's arm. There was a horrifying popping sound, but it was quickly drown out by Anne's scream. Her whole body tensed and her right knee pulled up as a jerk response. She let out another cry at the pain of trying to move her injured knee as well with no success. Phillip’s heart broke with every audible evidence of extreme pain and suddenly fought to keep back the tears that had sprung to his eyes. 

Trying to still his own shaking, he continued to coo and murmur to her, never letting go of her hand. “It's alright, baby. You're going to be okay - I know it hurts. You're doing great honey,” he felt as though the words were as much to calm her as they were to assure himself. Michaela and Colleen had gotten the forearm into place and were just now working the stiff boards into place and wrapping them securely. At this point, a tear escaped and tracked down Anne's wincing face. Phillip rubbed his thumb over her cheek, whisking it away. He felt her take a deep breath that almost sounded like a resignation. She was trying to be strong for him, Phillip realized. Trying to not let the tears flow, to keep the screams at bay. Anne’s eyes were squeezed shut and her breathing labored. 

“Anne, sweetheart, it’s okay to cry,” he said softly, leaning down closer to her face, letting his presence comfort her. 

“No...no…” she groaned, leaving her eyes closed, resisting still. 

But for all her strength, eventually the pain became too much. Anne’s knee was worse than Michaela had originally thought, and it took longer to straighten, bandage, and stabilize it. Though she was weak, Anne could not control the physical reaction she had to the pain. Phillip watched helplessly as the tears now flowed freely, accompanying her cries, and her body cycled through tense and lax as Dr. Mike and Colleen worked as quickly and carefully as possible. Sully helped hold down her other leg while Barnum shifted nervously a few feet from the bed, unsure and trying to be out of the way. 

The process seemed to endure forever and Phillip wasn’t sure he could handle watching her suffer any longer. Suddenly aware that his own cheeks were wet with tears, he gripped her hand tighter and continued to speak encouragement and stroke hair.

“I love you so much. I’m right here. You can do this, beautiful.”

After what seemed like eternity, Michaela pulled the sheet back up over Anne’s legs after packing more ice around her injured knee. Anne’s breathing was still short and labored, but slowly began to regulate. 

“We will need to watch her closely. The next few hours are critical,” Michaela’s voice was hushed as she addressed Sully and Barnum a few steps away from the bed. “I still am unsure about her head injury and with the stress of the pain, I fear that it may have made whatever is wrong worse.” The three of them glanced over to the couple. Anne had slipped back into unconsciousness, but did not look peaceful. Phillip still had a hold of her hand, but he looked pale and frightened. “I need to speak with him,” she added. 

Barnum nodded and walked over to the young man. “I’ll stay with her - Dr. Quinn needs to speak with you,” he said simply. Phillip bristled before reluctantly getting up from his seat, waiting till the last moment to put her hand down on the bed gently. 

Once they had reached the hallway and closed the door again, Michaela took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair, trying to formulate the words to say. Sully had followed them out, hovering nearby while still offering the two space. Phillip swallowed, nervous for what the doctor might have to say and anxious to return to Anne’s side. 

“Phillip,” Michaela began hesitantly, “you already have an understanding of the severity of the injury to Anne’s knee and arm.” He nodded numbly. “It will takes her weeks, probably months to recover enough to even walk.”

Phillip felt the air come out of him. “But she will walk?” he asked. 

“It is too early to tell now, but I am optimistic if she rests well and takes time to heal.”

There was a “but” in her eyes and Phillip could sense there was more to be said. Frowning, he questioned with his eyes before she continued. 

“It is the impact to her head that concerns me. When I examined her eyes, they were unfocused and glazed.” Phillip waited for the climax, for her to cut to the chase. “Phillip, I fear the fall has blinded her.”


	14. WHEN THE GLITTER FADES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a delay! Life is crazy, you know! But here's a few more chapters for you! Thank you to all who have enjoyed this story and keep commenting for me to continue. It's truly encouraging. Enjoy!

Sunlight streaked through the room, peeking in through the slats in the window shutters. Phillip was still sitting in the chair, holding Anne’s hand, situated in the same position for the past several hours. The adrenaline had eventually tapered off and now he was struggling to keep his eyes open. Anne’s occasional moan or shift under the sheets was what pulled his eyelids up and refocused him into watching her intently, ensuring that her chest continued to rise and fall. Michaela was also watching sleepily from a chair by the door and W.D. was across the bed from Phillip in his own chair. All the others had eventually gone back home - there was nothing they could do but wait. Michaela had draped blankets over both men’s shoulders at some point during the night. 

Phillip shifted uncomfortably in the straight-back chair, adjusting his position without letting go of her hand. Anne moaned, moving her head slightly, resulting in a frown creasing her forehead. The pain increased exponentially at the slight movement and her breathing escalated. Noticing the change in her otherwise still sleep, Phillip snapped more awake and leaned forward. 

“Shh, shh, calm down darling,” he ran his fingers lightly over her arm in an attempt to reassure her. The crease forming on her forehead grew deeper as she struggled more against some unseen nightmare. Phillip continued to stroke her hair and face, speaking in a hushed voice. With a sudden cry, Anne’s eyes flew open and began searching the room. 

“Phillip? Phillip, where are you?” she gasped weakly, her movements frantic despite their limited range and her overall weakness. Michaela roused at the voice and came to stand over her as well. 

“I’m here, baby, I’m right here…”

“Why can’t I see you?” 

Phillip’s stomach twisted painfully. A few hours ago, Michaela had explained to him that Anne was probably blind from the blow to her head. It may not be permanent, but there was no way to know, especially this early. He had tried to take the news level-headedly, but the ramifications of such a prognosis were not lost on him. Anne’s life - his life - may never be the same. What Phillip had spent the whole night dreading was the fact that he would have to tell her. Somehow. He had to be strong and supportive while honest, for her sake. Now was the moment. 

“Anne, sweetheart, I need you to calm down. I promise I am right here and I’m not going anywhere.” He clasped her hand tighter, reassuring her of his physical presence. The words seemed to break through some of the pain-induced haze and Anne consciously tried to ease her breathing. Once she had stilled some more, reciprocating a weak squeeze on his hand, Phillip sucked in a shaky breath before continuing. 

“Do you remember what happened last night?” he asked softly. 

After a pause, Anne gave a slight nod. “The chain holding the bar snapped. I...I couldn’t keep my grip…after that...I can’t…”

“It’s alright - I know it’s all a blur. Don’t strain yourself,” Phillip stroked her hair gently, trying to find the words to say next, feeling his heart beat wildly in nervousness. 

“I know something is wrong.” Her voice was blank and devoid of any emotion. The phrase hung in the air, waiting to be challenged or answered. Phillip swallowed silently, feeling as though the breath had been stolen from his lungs. “Please, don’t hide anything from me. I can handle it - I want to know,” she pleaded. 

Biting his lip guiltily, Phillip looked up at the doctor. She returned his gaze and nodded encouragingly. He steeled himself with another deep breath. 

“Alright,” he said, “Anne, the fall you took was from very high and, while your arm and leg took the brunt of the impact, you still hit your head really hard on the ground. There is some swelling - that's what the ice is for - and Dr. Quinn will know more when that subsides. For now,” Phillip concluded, “the impact has affected your vision -”

“So I'm blind?” Another blunt question, but this time it held a twinge of anxiousness. 

“It may be only temporary,” Michaela reassured, her voice causing Anne to turn toward the sound. “But I cannot guarantee anything until the swelling lessens significantly.”

Anne appreciated the honesty, but felt numb and terrified at the same time. She tried to not panic, for Phillip’s sake. However, her facial expressions were not able to hide from his keen perception. This skill of his had always been there, but had been perfected the past few years as he learned to be aware of Anne's feelings and thoughts. Phillip’s great desire was to always help her feel safe and comfortable, and so he could read her fairly well. He could sense her great desire to panic and cry, but her tough and strong nature trying desperately to hold her back. 

“Can we have a moment?” he looked up at Michaela. She nodded affirmatively and roused W.D. gently before ushering him out of the room after he had placed a gentle, silent kiss on his sister’s forehead.

Anne heard the door close softly, and like a trigger, the sound snapped her panic. In the dark and silent moment, she felt utterly alone. Noticing the change, Phillip quickly but gently renewed his squeeze on her hand and lowered down closer to her. Anne could feel his presence now and hear his soft breathing, calming her somewhat. His hand raked softly through her hair. Phillip could feel her anxious heart rate. 

“Anne, beautiful,” he said, “I'm not going anywhere. I know this is frightening…” 

“I'm not afraid,” she whispered, the tremble in her voice betraying the honesty of the statement. 

Phillip understood how much she didn't like being perceived as weak. She was strong, but sometimes she used it as an excuse to suffer through something silently and alone. He wasn't going to let that happen. Not this time. 

Suddenly, Anne let out a cry of pain, her hand releasing his and shooting up to press against her temple. Her eyes scrunched shut as she tried to bear the sudden stab of pain that laced through her head. Phillip did his best to comfort her and alleviate her pain, with little practical success. 

Finally, she let out a whimper. “Phillip, it hurts so much...I...I am scared.” At the confession, the tears began to flow and Phillip’s heart broke to see her in so much pain. He let some silent tears of his own escape down his cheeks as he continued to comfort her as best he could. 

“I'm right here, Anne. It's alright to be scared, sweetheart. It's okay. I love you so much no matter what.” 

“Really?” she sobbed. 

The question stung and Phillip felt taken aback for a moment. When he didn't respond, she added, “You don't deserve to be chained down caring for a crippled, blind woman the rest of your life. That wouldn't be fair…” 

“Now wait a minute,” he interjected. He couldn't believe what he was hearing and chocked it up to pain-induced delirium. “Anne, Anne - listen to me. I love you as you are. There is absolutely nothing in this world that could change that. Okay, sweetheart?” He resisted the urge to shake her some as she continued to cry and shake her head. With every fiber of his being, Phillip wished he could draw her into his arms so he could better comfort her and reassure her of his very real presence. But he couldn't. So he sat there holding her hand as she cried in pain.


	15. A Man Learns Who was There for Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to branch out into a few more character crossover interactions!

It had been years since Phillip had really gone to church. He had grown up going, but it had never been much more than an obligation. When he joined the circus, he gave it up with the rest of his reputation. For a time, at least. He had found that faith was very dear to Anne, and she took it seriously. She and W.D. attended a small church every Sunday. Phillip respected her faith - admired it, even - but had never truly experienced it for himself. Anne insisted they marry in a church, and they had paid a larger sum for a church and pastor who would be willing to wed them. Once they were married, it was difficult to find a place that would take them both in as a couple, so Anne had resorted to her own personal study and devotion. Finding time for church services and for finding an accommodating congregation was especially difficult on tour. So Phillip was sure the last time he had really been in a church was the day he married Anne. 

But today was different. Sure, he had prayed at times during his life, but Phillip couldn’t honestly say he had ever felt like anyone was listening - or that he was truly sincere in his prayer. At this point, he felt like he had run out of options and was desperate to try anything. 

Anne had been unconscious for a long span - almost 24 hours. The accident had happened four days ago. The swelling on Anne’s head had reduced, but not by much. Michaela’s face had permanently contorted into a worried expression. She tried to mask it, but Phillip could see it in her eyes. After their tearful exchange over three days ago, Anne had hardly been awake. She would occasionally stir and moan, but that was all. Phillip’s anxiety was rising exponentially. 

So when he heard the early morning church bells ringing - seeming to notice them for the first time - Phillip figured he had nothing to lose. The morning was cold and crisp, with a gray and cloudy sky. He hated leaving Anne. He had scarcely left her side in all that time. But W.D. had come in before sun-up and insisted Phillip get some rest and sustenance and he had finally obliged. Colleen had placed a plate of food in front of him in the kitchen at the back of the clinic, but he had hardly touched it. He had to get out and clear his head, so he left the plate and walked into the brisk morning, feeling the fresh air for the first time in days. 

Phillip found himself at the foot of the stairs, staring up at the white church door. The cold dew hung thick in the air and he was suddenly aware of how cold it was on this last day of autumn. A part of him resisted going in, but the cold nip of the breeze finally made the decision for him. The door was creaky, the sound of the old hinges reverberating loudly through the silent building. He took a few tentative steps down the aisle, suddenly self-conscious of the five o’clock shadow on his face and the fact he had not bathed or changed his clothes since that fateful night. 

He was about to turn around and walk out when a voice startled him. 

“Can I help you, son?” a tall man walked out from the side of the chancel, his collar indicating his role. Phillip swallowed, he wasn’t sure what he wanted and shifted uncomfortably. 

No stranger to people feeling uncomfortable in his presence or in a church building, the minister walked up the aisle, extending his hand to Phillip with a warm smile. “I am Reverend Johnson, welcome.” Taking in the young man’s disheveled appearance, and being aware of the incident at the circus, he put two and two together. “Come, sit. It looks as though you have much on your mind.” The reverend guided Phillip over to a pew and sat him down. They sat in silence for a while, Phillip’s hands clasping and unclasping nervously as he stared down at them. 

“People often come in here when they are desperate,” Reverend Johnson sighed, looking up at the cross by the window. 

“I haven’t been in here - in a church, I mean - in a long while,” Phillip admitted. 

“Did you come here looking for something in particular?” 

“Yes...no...I don’t know…” he muttered, unsure of why he had even come there. 

“I have had some others from your troupe in here over these past few days. Many of them are unsure as to why they bother coming in at all too.”

"This man is perceptive," Phillip thought. Many of the circus acts had also not felt comfortable inside a church, a fact that many of them were disheartened by. Faith was a common element many of them shared, trusting unwaveringly in a God they could not see - a God they could not attend many churches to worship. They would hold Bible studies and prayer meetings regularly instead, groups that Anne had been a regular part of. But there were some that had shunned the church just as Phillip had, and felt as uncomfortable inside the building as he did in that moment. 

Taking a deep breath as he sat up straight again, Phillip noted how stiff he felt. “I am Phillip Carlyle,” he said, shaking the reverend’s hand again. “The acrobat injured in the accident is my wife, Anne.” He felt his throat constrict as he said it, the fact still surreal to him. In his peripheral, Phillip saw the reverend nod. “She has been unconscious for a long time - too long…” With every word, he felt closer to the edge of breaking down and desperately tried to keep his composure. 

“It is completely understandable, the way you feel,” Reverend Johnson spoke softly, respectfully. 

“I can’t lose her,” Phillip whispered after a long pause, his voice barely audible. “I don’t know what to do...I sit there unable to do anything and now she hasn’t woken up...I don’t think I am strong enough to be there for her and give her what she needs…” The tears began and Phillip broke down in sobs for the first time since the accident. All the pent up emotions and suppressed feelings surfaced in a torrent of tears and shaking shoulders.

Reverend Johnson put an arm around the young man, preaching no words, offering no advice, just sitting at the man’s side and allowing him what he truly needed most - the time and space to weep. 

Phillip was not sure how long he sobbed, but his breathing was finally catching back up to him, steadying and deepening. He had fallen to his knees, his hands clutching the pew back in front of him. The reverend’s hand had not left Phillip’s shoulder, somewhat grounding him. As his breaths deepened, Phillip blinked and wiped his eyes on his shirtsleeves. Reverend Johnson peeled Phillip’s hands from the pew back and helped him to shift his stiff body back onto the pew. 

“I’m sorry for such a scene,” he finally mustered out shakily, looking down once again at his hands. 

Reverend Johnson chuckled. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Mr. Carlyle. You have been through a terrible ordeal these last few days. Holding the weight of the world on your shoulders can be in more ways than one.” He didn’t explicitly offer help, but Phillip could perceive the offer was there and he appreciated the reverend’s discretion and respect. 

“I just wish I could take the pain away, somehow bear it for her.”

“That is a common desire among people watching those they love suffer,” Reverend Johnson said thoughtfully. “Have you ever had a loved one go through such pain or pass away before?” 

Phillip shook his head. “I grew up privileged and hidden from cares. The only person who passed away in our family was my grandfather and that happened when I was very little. I haven’t had to face something like this before,” his voice trailed off. 

The reverend nodded understandingly. 

“I’m so...I’m so afraid of not being strong enough for her. I feel so weak and useless,” his whisper was barely audible and fresh tears tracked down his face. Phillip put his face in his hands and inhaled a shuddering breath. 

“You say she hasn’t woken?”

Phillip swallowed. “Not for the past 24 hours or so, and before that it was sporadic and she was delirious. Now she’s so still…” It was truly terrifying how still she had been and Phillip would strain for any sign of her chest rising and falling. “What should I do, Reverend? I don’t know why I am here - if there is even a God who cares.” There it was. His true feelings on the matter. Could there really be a God who would allow this to happen to his wife? Who might listen to the prayers of a desperate husband and heal her? Phillip seriously doubted this was the case. 

The reverend didn’t chastise his unbelief. Instead, he simply said, “Have you tried asking Him yet?” 

“No,” he admitted. 

“I would suggest it, of course,” Reverend Johnson replied, “but may I ask something first?” Phillip nodded. “In what ways can you look back on your life and maybe see God’s hand orchestrating events, protecting you, providing for you? What good has there been in your life before this crisis?”

Phillip frowned in thought. His mind immediately went to the negative events of his life - being disowned, the circus fire, the persecution of people toward Anne, the circus, and himself. But is that how he really viewed his life? Just a few days ago he had been so happy, despite all the things that had happened. Being disowned by his parents was difficult to swallow, but he would not have done anything differently because now he had a home, a purpose, and Anne. He could have died in the circus fire, but he was saved, and everyone else as well. Now the circus was doing better than ever without their original building. And while he knew not everyone would ever accept Anne and him, he loved her so much and knew she loved him in return. What joy that brought to his heart, knowing he was loved by her and that he got to spend his life with her. 

These thoughts and revelations swirled in Phillip’s mind and came out in broken, convoluted sentences to the reverend, but he didn’t seem to mind, offering nods of confirmation and a smile as he watched the young man rediscover the positive outcomes of even the negative circumstances of his life. Gratitude suddenly grasped Phillip and he ran out of words to say. 

“You’re right, Reverend. There have been so many bad things, and yet they have all worked out.”

“Then you can trust that God is controlling every circumstance. He is watching over you right now and over Anne. If you ask him, he will give you the strength you need to support her.”

In the cool of the morning, the sun suddenly found a slit in the clouds and its rays shone down in narrow shafts upon the town of Colorado Springs. W.D. admired them from the window, Michaela stood in one on the porch of the clinic and felt its warmth. Phillip felt it on his back through one of the high church windows as he prayed for the first time in years. 

"Lord, please watch over Anne. Heal her and bring her back to me. Thank you for your provision in our lives thus far, I trust you henceforward. I ask for the strength to be the support Anne needs. I cannot have this strength on my own - help me God."


	16. Can't Let this Moment End

Walking out of the church, Phillip had felt renewed and refreshed. With a new vigor to complete the process, he was now in his tent picking out a new set of clothes and other things to bring back to the clinic. He opened Anne’s one carpet bag, looking for her beloved silk shawl. Phillip hoped bringing things to her that were familiar would help her recovery. Suddenly, his hand felt something smooth and old tucked into the side of the bag. Clutching it, Phillip pulled it out. It was Anne’s beloved Bible. Thumbing through it, his eyes flicked over the faded pages. There were notes all over the inside, passages underlined, and prayers written in small script all over the back blank pages. Phillip had never really noticed her Bible before – why had he dismissed it so quickly? As he thumbed along, he came to a passage that were the spine was showing and was obviously visited often.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.  
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.  
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.  
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."

He realized the passage was familiar, but he had never truly read it before. The whole passage was underlined and obviously held some significance to Anne. Smiling, Phillip lovingly placed the Bible in with the other articles and began his trek back to the clinic where Michaela had offered a bath on more than one occasion. He finally felt ready to accept.

Now clean, shaved, and with some food in his stomach, Phillip’s outlook was overall more optimistic as he reentered Anne’s room, the shawl and Bible in his hands.

She looked the same as she had for the past two days. The scene was enough to dent Phillip’s spirit some, but not nearly as deep as before. He walked around to his post – the all-too-familiar chair on her left side. W.D. was still asleep in his seat across from him.

Gently, Phillip spread Anne’s shawl over her up to her chin. After settling into his chair, he opened the Bible to the passage so lovingly worn and began to read aloud, keeping his voice soft so as not to wake W.D., but loud enough he was sure Anne could hear if she was listening through the sleep she was in.

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked…

...I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety…

...I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope…

...I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech.”

Despite himself, Phillip paused and yawned. The words he had been reading were comforting and he loved seeing Anne’s handwriting throughout the margins. He continued to read the Psalms.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?...”

“...the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” the voice from the bed was weak and frail, but a small smile graced Anne’s lips as she finished the verse for him. 

Phillip shot forward. Was she awake? Hovering above her, he whispered gently, “Anne, dear? Can you hear me, baby?” He lightly touched her shoulder. 

“Mm hmm,” came the soft reply. “I’m...thirsty…” she finally rasped out. 

Elated that she was awake and even that she was thirsty, Phillip quickly filled a glass from the pitcher of water on the bedside table. Successfully getting it to her lips and down her throat was more problematic. Anne had opened her eyes some, but they still wandered aimlessly. He could tell it still scared her, but he kept talking to reassure her of his presence while keeping a hand on her so she could feel him. Scooping his arm beneath her lower neck, Phillip helped draw up Anne’s head and put the cup to her lips. Anne sipped tentatively and, after a few tries and some small spills, they managed to get some down. 

With a large sigh, Anne rested back against the pillows. After setting down the glass, Phillip grasped her hand in his own and sat close to her, as if she might fade away again if he let go. 

“Since when do you read the Bible?” 

Phillip smirked. “Since I realized that I couldn’t bear the weight of the world by myself and that someone else is in control.” 

For the first time in days, Anne’s face glowed with a weak, but genuine smile. Phillip wished he could capture it and save it forever. 

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” he choked, as unforeseen tears sprung to his eyes suddenly as he kissed her fingers. 

“I don’t feel awake,” was her quiet reply. 

Frowning as he ran his fingers through her hair, Phillip asked, “What do you mean, darling?” 

“It’s dark. And cold…” her voice trailed off before coming out in a barely audible whisper. “Please don’t leave me.” 

The thought broke his heart. “Anne, I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much. You’re going to get better and I’ll be here every step of the way.” 

Just then, W.D. stirred and opened his eyes groggily. Anne turned her head toward the sound. 

“W.D.?” 

At the sound of his name, he was instantly awake and drew closer to her. 

“Anne! Praise God you’re awake!” his own tears shone in his eyes. 

It was a happy reunion and Phillip felt that, for the first time, things were looking up.


	17. I Know that There's a Place for Us

The swelling on the back of the acrobat’s head had gone down a good bit, and Michaela was more optimistic about her recovery. After W.D. had found her to tell her that the patient was awake, she had feared that Anne might be panicky again if her sight had not returned. But the girl was strong and was handling things better than might be expected. At least for now. Michaela prayed her eyesight would be restored once the swelling dissipated even more. 

The pain in her limbs was becoming a different story, however. Now that Anne was awake more than before, her pain seemed to increase exponentially. The slightest movement or jostle of the bed would incite a protest of pain. The swelling of Anne’s knee was not reducing and Dr. Quinn feared for her future prospects of walking at all. But for now, she simply cared for her patient while watching after the other two who were constantly by her side. 

On the sixth day since the accident, Michaela finally acquiesced to a few additional visitors. Lettie and Constantine came together. Anne was glad to hear the singer’s voice all the way from the stairwell before the woman came in and talked with her for a short time. The pair had also brought a basket of food for the vigilant men always at her side. Constantine didn’t say much, but both Phillip and Anne appreciated his presence. 

Charity and Barnum were not far behind. The motherly nature Charity brought to all was refreshing. Barnum had not been in since the night he had helped set Anne’s broken bones. He was relieved to see her awake, but discouraged by the absent look in her eyes. While Charity chatted quietly with Anne, Phillip took Barnum aside for a moment, comfortable with Charity’s presence to keep Anne company. 

“How is everyone? I’m sorry for neglecting my job, I can work from here and make sure everyone gets off on their well-earned vacation time and…”

Barnum raised his hands to slow the boy down. “Don’t worry, it’s all covered,” he said. “I got everyone’s pay distributed and some already left when I told them there was nothing more to do here. You have been right where you needed to be.” 

“Thank you, Barnum,” Phillip stated simply. There were no other words. The men stared out the window for a moment before Phillip reached into his vest pocket. 

“I found this in Anne’s shawl,” he said, pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope. “Barnum, this is far too generous.” 

P.T. smiled. “She said the same. But you both deserve it. Charity and I wanted to give you an early anniversary gift for your time off...in fact, we would like to give anything you need through this whole process.” He glanced over at his wife speaking softly with the injured woman. Barnum had his own stabs of guilt for the incident, but pushed them aside quickly. 

“Barnum, we can’t accept this. We will get by just fine…” 

But P.T. would have no argument. “Phillip, I know you don’t want to accept charity or pity and I respect that. This is a gift from friends. But I want you to know and be comforted by the fact that you’re not alone in this. We are all here for both of you.” 

“Thank you,” Phillip said again. “It means a great deal to have our family’s support,” he smiled. “We may have to be here for a while,” he added quietly. 

It was true. Anne’s road to recovery was going to be long and tedious. She would be in no condition to travel for quite a while and needed constant care and supervision. 

“That is also taken care of,” Barnum said. Phillip cocked an eyebrow. “I have reserved your room at the mountain resort for a month. So whenever Anne is able to be moved, you two can continue her recovery in a nice environment while still being close to Dr. Quinn. 

Phillip didn’t know what to say. The Barnum family’s generosity never ceased to amaze him.

“Everyone at the circus pitched in a little for the reservation,” he added. “They all desire to contribute something to the two of you. You’re very dear to them all.” 

Phillip smiled, thinking of all the circus acts and felt humbled and overjoyed at the love they bestowed upon him and Anne. He loved them too and would need to think of a special way to thank them all. 

“When are you going home, Barnum? Christmas is getting close.” 

The older man sighed. “We are going to stay here for a while, at least until we can feel comfortable and alright with leaving.” He didn’t mention the myriad of business-related tasks that needed to be accomplished before taking a break. “We don’t want to leave the two of you here alone. Besides, I hear Colorado has some beautiful white Christmases.” 

“I appreciate everything you are doing - it really is too much,” Phillip protested. “We will be alright here. You should go home and be with family.”

“We’re with family here, Phillip.”


End file.
